freedomheart

hello all! i decided to come back to deviantart maybe (let's see how long will i survive...), but i don't think i have time or mood for drawing anymore so as for now i'll be sticking to photography (since i finally got a good camera for my birthday). i have many memories with this account and i don't want to delete my old art - which is quite crappy, although i have improved haha - so i made a new account. feel free to +watch me there if you want. oh, and drop me a message so we can talk, i have missed many people on here!

I was gone. I didn't feel like visiting deviantART anymore. I didn't feel as a part of the community. I didn't even feel like drawing and I didn't want to upload shitty art. Well, what brings me back? I don't really want to abandon my deviantART. It changed my life, made me improve my skills a little and I met lots of wonderful people! Today I thought: I kind of miss logging everyday on deviantART, reading the comments, replies, seeing a bunch of wonderful deviations, sharing my own artwork and recieving critique. Today I logged in, cleaned my gallery, left some (many) groups, deleted some journal entries. Everything is prepared for my return. I'm not sure if everything would be the same, though. I finally started drawing again - good news it's a digital artwork. I want to master my skills in digital paintings now. Not comic art, semi-realistic, but real digital paintings. However it takes really much time. As for now I'm drawing it since 3 days. I won't be able to do that during the school year. High school really takes over my life so I come back home exhausted, so the only things I want to do is visit Tumblr and watch some TV series or a movie. I don't have so much time for drawing and I don't have enough motivation. However, I'll try my best to slowly come back to deviantART and upload something - from time to time, at least.
Many things have happened in my life and during this 6 months I completely changed. Everything started in the end of January, after I've finally seen "Sherlock Holmes: A game of shadows". I have no idea what the movie has to do with it, but after that I just thought my life is a complete mess. Manga and anime has destroyed my life a little. I'm not trying to tell that manga and other Japanese stuff are the products of Satan. However... Some people around me where the type of people had a bad influence of me. Now I regret that I've done this and that and I feel ashamed. I had no ambitions. I didn't know what I wanted to do in my life. Of course, there were also advantages of me joining the fandom - I stopped being so shy, I met a bunch of great people, I started sewing cosplays. But in January I just thought that my life can't be like that. I slowly got kind of afraid of manga and anime. Literally. I was afraid of everything that was connected to anime - the shows, people, conventions. It's a stupid fear but I'm trying to fight it now. In December I'm planning to go on a convention again. Basically, it's because I still want to cosplay, as it's really great fun! I'm not planning to watch any anime series, though. Maybe in the future I'll come back to this interest in Japan, maybe not.
Funnily (or not) in the months February-June I had a really hard time. There was a danger that I won't pass the school year because of chemistry. I really hate this subject, I completely don't understand it and I don't like the teacher. Everyday when I came back from school I just could sit on my bed and cry. The worst thing was that I had no support from my best friend. She went to a different high school than me. She was a type of person that would never call to me, never asked me if we could go out. I was the one who was always doing that. During the worst of my moments I realised that I was a real fool calling her a "best friend" all the time. She didn't actually care about me. She didn't know what I was going through. I was even thinking that when I won't pass this school year I will commit suicide - hopefully four girls in my class started supporting me. One of them acted just like a real best friend - and now I can call her like that. I am so greatful that she cares about me so much. The good news is that I actually passed this school year!
2 months ago I wrote to my ex-best-friend. I asked her why do I always have to be the person that calls or texts her, why doesn't she care about me. She replied, inter alia, that it's because she knows everything about my life from Facebook. I got really angry. I told her that I won't write to her anymore until she will do that first. She haven't done this till now. I oficially told myself that it's the end of this toxic friendship.
Leaving the manga and anime fandom has caused many good stuff to me. I started caring about myself more. I started dressing good (at least I try!), became a little more interested in fashion. I discovered many great movies (Thor, The Avengers), books (The Hunger Games, Game of Thrones) and TV series (Sherlock, Doctor Who, Glee). I became interested in actors and actresses - now the one that inspire me the most are Tom Hiddleston and Karen Gillan. I finally started thinking about my future - as I'm really interested in the British culture, I want to move to London, I want to try my skills in acting. Becoming an actress is my biggest dream! One of my newest hobbies is postcrossing (visit postcrossing.com).
Many things have changed and I hope that my life will get only better and better and that I would be able to make my dreams come true. I'm looking forward to this school year, meeting new people, returning to deviantART, doing more cosplays!

Stay awesome, fellow DeviantArtists!

Zuzanna

My subscription is gone, it feels so awkward, I got used to it and I will miss it.
But I don't think I deserve another one.
I think I will be leaving deviantART slowly. At least for a while.

_{My twitter: twitter.com/#!/cobaltwings
My tumblr: cobalt-wings.tumblr.com/}